How the singleness of Johnny Depp is vital to my survival

JOHNNY DEPP IS SINGLE!!!!!!!!
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Yes I know, I have absolutely (almost) no chance with him, but I WILL NOT GIVE UP FAITH!! See me and monsieur John Christopher Depp have a special connection. We both have brains and personalities that NOBODY can figure out, we both have fatial hair (kidding, I don't have a goatee) and we're both boys (kidding I am a girl). As you can see, we are obviously meant for eachother as we have SO much in common. Plus, I am unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him (yes I just quoted twilight, but don't get me wrong, I am NOT a fan, I am just cool like that). But, in accordance to my blog post title, you must want to know how his singleness is vital to my survival. Well I am of course sad that things had  to end, BUT, as I am so in love with him, I am excededingly happy to be able to participate in this open season.

"But Rachel! You still haven't told us how Johnny Depp's singleness is oh-so-VITAL to your survival! Are you just another young and stupid teenage girl who claims she will DIE if so-and-so will not return her temporary unsatisfactory affection?!"

NO! As I was saying before you RUDELY inturrupted, not only am I excedeingly happy to be able to participate in this open season, but to continue my uncomfortable stay on this earth, I must have my chance to woo him. My proof of that being; I have never been so in love with a celebrity, as most of them are pathetic dramatic selfish stupid snooki's who don't know what life is. Anywho, there is proof that you can die of heart break. Your body shuts down because you have no desire to live anymore. Now I am not so childish that I would let my body shut down if I do not marry Johnny Depp, (Dying of heartbreak is not on my list of approved ways to die. Which I promise I will make.)
 *GASP! I didn't know there was an option to NOT marry him!* but I fear if I had never got the chance to try my hand (well, that's just an expression) at catching the attention one of the greatest actors to walk this earth, I would have soon collapsed in a heap of bones and bodily parts.

So there you have it, a testiment to the violence of my love for John Christopher Depp (got a little Jane Austin there LOL), and the legitimate reasons for my dependancy on his relationship status.